The World behind my Wall
by edward-ships-elricest
Summary: After an accident that costed him greatly, Edward became distrustful of the world around him, resenting the life that was thrust upon him. Edward builds a wall around himself to hold against the worlds cruelty and its people, for awhile those walls hold up just fine. Till he meets a certain raven haired boy who comes setting his walls crumbling down.
1. Chapter 1

**Back!**

 **So here is my new story, I'll be updating once a week maybe sooner. All depends really.**

 **So anyways please enjoy**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own FMA or the lyrics to** ** _Let it Out_** **by Miho Fukuhara**

* * *

Edward sighed as he dressed himself for his first day of school. He hated starting school in the middle of the year; people always stared at him and gave him fake smiles. It made him sick. Edward always saw behind a person's disguise. He more than anyone knew that no one was as they looked, so he preferred being alone. He didn't like _'making friends_ '. No, he just wanted to get school over with. He rolled his eyes as he made his way downstairs to wait for his brother Alphonse. Al was the only one Edward spent time with. He was truly the only one Edward had in the world.

Alphonse was the only person who knew Edward inside and out. He was Edward's one and only friend. Edward preferred it that way. Having unnecessary ' _fake_ ' friends grew tiring after some time if you asked him. Honestly, Edward hated.. well, everyone.

Edward fixed the collar of his button down shirt as Alphonse made his way towards him. _'Finally,_ ' Edward thought. He wanted nothing more than to get away from home and to finish the day.  
"Good morning nii-san." His brother spoke a bit slowly looking him in the eye.  
Edward grunted as a response. Alphonse sighed but smiled nonetheless.

"Today will be a good day nii-san, so don't be to grumpy."  
Al was being sickeningly cheerful again and Edward felt uncomfortable. He let out a little whine in hopes his brother should let him skip the day. Of course Alphonse just hooked his arm with Edward's as they walked to school.

The walk felt a bit too short for Edwards taste, but he would have to endure it or Alphonse would scold him. Again. With a sigh Edward leaned against his brother lightly letting the other know how he really felt - and that was a mix between nervousness, agitation, and anger. Only school could make Edward feel this way.

Alphonse had it easy if you asked him; he could easily talk and make genuine friends. He was a social butterfly, as he would say. Alphonse could relate to anyone. He put his trust into almost everyone he met. He could make friendships that would last until old age. Again, Edward couldn't do that; he couldn't trust others. They were all the same. He didn't see a difference between them. People were greedy and unbelievably cruel to one another, and Edward had had more than enough of that. He was already planning on giving everyone who looked his way a death glare.

Alphonse stopped walking just before reaching the steps, pulled Edward aside and locked eyes with him.  
"I know you have trust issues because.. of what happened, nii-san," Al said, "but please. You have to have faith!"  
Edward could tell Al was in pain. He could see it deep within his eyes, and it broke Edward's heart seeing his baby brother like that, but he couldn't help it. He didn't want to trust anyone. He didn't need any fake a** friends. He has Alphonse and that is enough  
"This is who I am Al," he replied after a moment, but of course Al quoted something that Edward couldn't come up with a reply to.

 _"Nobody knows who their real selves are. Losing and finding things in the middle of this long, long road._  
 _There are days where we feel alone and we feel like crying, but..._  
 _Change these tears and this pain into stars_  
 _Turn on the light that will shine on tomorrow._  
 _Together, we'll create stardust and search for an eternity that glows so brightly."_

Alphonse knew how Edward felt about that damn song, it always made him feel mushy and actually want to change his view on things. He sighed and gave a lopsided smile and pulled Alphonse into a tight hug, he pulled back just enough for Alphonse to see Edward's 'I love you'. Alphonse smiled and did the same. Honestly his brother was such a sap, but Edward wouldn't have it any other way.

They continued on their way much to Edward's annoyance. He groaned as they walked up the steps of their new school. As they reach the top of the steps Edward looked up and felt his mouth drop slightly. It was a decent, baronial building that could take anyone's breath away. You didn't really see baronial buildings nowadays, so this was new, and he could appreciate the beauty of the old building at least.

Edward tightened his hold on Alphonse as they walked inside the building, and few kids turned to look at them curiously. This was always the hardest part. Edward hated people staring at him especially when he was with Alphonse, because then he'd have to try and not snap at anyone.

Alphonse always knew how to calm Edward's nerves; just a simple 'nii-san' calmed him down. He kept his older brother in line. But horribly enough, Edward was a year ahead of Alphonse - which meant they would not have classes together. Before the day was over, Edward knew he would die of pure loneliness and self restraint. When Edward was alone it was always harder to hold in his temper and god forbid that someone should mention his height!

Not that he would ever admit it, but Edward was, in fact, scared. He was scared at the thought of how everyone would look at him. At his old school everyone always gave him odd looks. He had hated it; he had hated all of them. They made him feel different and unnatural. True, he was different than most kids, but that didn't give them the right to make him feel like utter s***. They had no right to judge him.

He scolded at a few kids who were starring at them, he was satisfied to see them turn a shade of red in embarrassment and turn to leave quickly. He hated the stares. He hated feeling small under their gazes. He looked up slightly only to be greatest with his brother frowning down at him, "did you really have to scare them nii-san?" Alphonse shook his head in disapproval, "I could have politely told them to stop.." Edward read his lips and frowned grunting. He was the older brother! Alphonse didn't need to care for him like he was a baby. Edward could handle himself.. Most times. Edward lifted a finger to his lips telling Alphonse to hush- at that Al frowned and opened the door to the main office.

* * *

By the time they received their schedules Alphonse told him the bell had rung just five minutes before. Great. Now he would have the whole classes' eyes on him when he walked in. Ed and Alphonse parted ways when Ed made his way up the stairs to the second floor; Al being a year under meant he was on the first floor for the day. Ed prayed to whatever God there was to let the day pass without anyone trying to talk to him. He just wanted to get the day over with and not deal with a bunch of nosey idiots.

While searching for his class his thoughts started to drift off causing him to feel uneasy. When he was left alone he felt empty and afraid; he felt so weak and lonely it made him sick. When he was alone was when his thoughts were the loudest and all his regrets and mistakes would pop up; all the things he should have done when his mother was alive, all the people he could have become friends with but turned away cruelly. When he was alone he was in unbearable pain. He hated this part of himself, hated the person he became.

But Ed couldn't change. It was too late for that now. He was already too deep into this way of life. He was already distrustful. He couldn't stop himself from wanting more in life, but he also couldn't stop resenting everything life had to offer. Life was cruel and unfair to him and he'd had enough of that. He could feel the familiar tightening in his chest, his hands and legs starting to shake. He stopped walking to lean against the wall behind him, working to calm himself down before he tried to find his classroom. He was glad Alphonse wasn't with him because this was one side he would never dare to show his brother. Ed's problems were his own doing and his own burden to carry. He had brought this upon himself and would just have to deal with it. He whimpered softly covering his face with his hands.

When he removed his hands he wasn't alone.

Edward's head whipped up, staring frantically at the boy standing in front of him. The taller boy looked down at Edward slightly amused, and he was freaking smirking! Edward narrowed his eyes, examining the boy.

He had dark hair that looked casually unkempt and falling over his eyes a bit. His eyes were dark, almost black, but Edward could see the hint of blue deep in them. That smirk was all the evidence Ed needed however: in conclusion, he looked like a bastard.

Ed's thoughts were interrupted when he saw a hand stuck out in front of him. He glared at the hand and pulled himself up. Like hell he would take this bastard's hand. Ed dusted himself off and looked at the boy through long eyelashes. The tall boy's lips were moving, but too fast for Edward to read.

' _Just perfect_ ,' he thought as a groan left his lips, _'this guy isn't going to leave me alone; just what I needed_.'

Ed pushed his bangs behind his ears and fully looked at the bastard. He looked confused, probably because Edward hadn't replied to whatever he said a moment before. This time Edward could read his lips.

"Are you okay?"

Edward frowned and nodded, then started away. Edward hoped the bastard wouldn't try to further their 'conversation', but of course Nameless fell into step beside him and continued talking, though what he was saying was a mystery to Edward. He was starting get on Edward's freaking nerves.

Bastard stopped walking and looked down at Edward again, and this time Edward knew what he was saying.

"You don't talk much, huh?"

Edward glared up at him and gave a curt nod. He could tell Nameless was amused by this. The bastard was smirking down at him.

"My name is Roy, and yours is?" Roy grinned, waiting patiently for the smaller boy's reply.

Edward bit his bottom lip. He really didn't want to talk. He hasn't talked to a stranger in years, for fear of not be able to control his voice. He only talked to Alphonse. Alphonse knew how to help him. But Alphonse wasn't with him and he needed to figure something out fast.

Edwards face brightened slightly as an idea came to mind. Roy seemed to notice and looked curious now. Edward pulled his schedule out of his pocket and thrust it into Roy's chest. Now Roy was confused, and Edward just grinned up at him. Roy looked over his schedule quickly and smiled this time. Edward didn't know why, but he suddenly felt … funny.

* * *

It turned out they both shared the same class, which is why Roy was smiling. Edward scowled at Roy's back as they turned a corner and walked down the hall. Ed shoved his hands inside the pockets of his red coat and sighed as they came to a stop. Roy knocked on the door before them and opened it slowly. ' _Dramatic bastard'_ , Edward thought bitterly. He just wished to get it over with.

As predicted, all eyes were on him as he entered his new chemistry class. He tried to ignore the stares as he walked towards his new teacher's desk to hand over his schedule. God he hated school. Edward stood awkwardly in front of the class as the teacher, Mr. Harris, scanned the paper in front of him. Suddenly Edward noted how the teacher clapped almost cheerfully and proceeded to speak to his class. That was fine; as long as he didn't direct his attention towards Edward he was just fine.

But of course he did.

All of a sudden everyone's eyes were on him once again as Mr. Harris turned to look at Edward, waiting for something.

' _Shit'_ Ed thought, _'he must have asked me something_.'

Edward didn't think anyone here knew sign language, so this would be a bit hard. Just as he was about to grab a sheet of paper, Roy walked to the teacher's side and spoke to him. Edward didn't exactly catch everything that was being said but he did catch a few things. Like, "He doesn't talk much," and "He's a bit shy." Edwards face turned a bright shade of pink. Damn bastard was acting like he knew Edward! Somewhere a voice in the back of his head told him he should be a bit grateful. He whole heartedly proceeded to curse himself.

He glared at Roy as he continued to converse with Mr. Harris. Honestly, how much did the b*** think he knew about Edward? Edward silently sent a few curses towards every poor soul currently in the classroom. Damn them for staring at him and for making him feel.. small.. Damn his teacher and damn Roy for thinking he needed help. He didn't need anyone's help! He could have handled the situation perfectly fine on his own.

Edward's thoughts were interrupted when Roy turned and walked towards him, a cheerful smile on his face. Edward was confused. He sent another glare Roy's way and frowned when he saw Roy was saying something.

"Looks like we're in the same group!" Ed made out.

Roy still looked cheerful, and Edward noted how fake he was being. Ed didn't think Roy actually looked that happy. Was the older boy always faking it? Hard to tell, since Ed had just met the bastard.

Edward just wanted to die when Roy grabbed his arm and dragged him towards his table.

Edward should have known this would happen. He always got stuck with idiots. He preferred to be alone, and to work alone, but now he had to work with a group of idiots. He glared at the people in front of him hopping to scare them away. Of course he failed.

 _'Persistent assholes_ ' he thought as he slouched down into his seat, looking over his group - a total of seven student, one girl and rest males.

He grunted as a tall blonde boy began to talk, looking Edwards way. Unfortunately, Edward couldn't catch a single word that was being said.

 _'Damn guy talks to fast_ ,' Edward thought as he simply stared at the blonde chatting away as others began to join in.

They soon stopped, probably noticing the blank expression on Edwards face. Edward also noticed how everyone was looking at him a bit irritated. That finally put a grin on his face, and he looked over to see Roy frowning at him.

"I understand you're shy, but really?" Roy said.

Edward could have laughed. He decided to now was a good time. Edward grinned at the group as he lifted his hands up just enough for them all to see. He saw how the boys were confused, and noticed how the only girl seemed to be catching on. His grin only widened.

His hands moved slowly, just in case someone in the group knew sign language.

'I'm deaf and don't know what the hell you people have been saying to me,' he signed.

* * *

 **Really wanna thank** **UP2L8 for being my beta, this story would probably look like crap if I didn't have help!**

 **Let me know what you think, please leave a review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**chapter 2!**

 **Ah my heart is aflutter! Six reviews for one chapter!? That's amazing!**

 **Thank you for taking the time to read this!**

 **Italics in this chapter will be used for dreams, thoughts and a little flash back!**

 **Warning: lots of feels and Roy being a bastard!**

 **Disclaimer: dont own fma or any quotes I may have used**

* * *

 _Edward heard laughter that day. His and Alphonse's childish laughter filled the air. It was a beautiful day, the sun was out, the birds were chirping. Everywhere he turned he saw smiling faces and peacefulness._

 _'Nothing could ruin this day,' he thought._

 _He was running, and Alphonse was to close to him. They were playing a game of tag and he couldn't lose to his baby brother again. He could just faintly hear his mother telling them to be careful, but at the moment he didn't pay much attention. He and Alphonse were having too much fun laughing and chasing each other around. It wasn't everyday they would venture from their little rural home a little ways out of town, but today was special. Edward was turning 11 years old and he was dying for a book on a form of science called Alchemy. He was certain the book shop he saw in town still had a few copies in stock. He had begged his mother for months for the book and every time his mother would smile and say, "You have to wait for your birthday honey." His mother kept her promise like always._

 _"Oh no you don't!" Edward laughed as Alphonse shoved him lightly and ran past._

 _"You're it nii-san!"_

 _Edward chased Alphonse and was just about to catch him when all of a sudden Alphonse froze. Edwards head whipped to his right and saw a truck heading straight for them! He had just enough time to save his brother; moving on instinct Edward jumped and used all his strength to shove Alphonse away from the street to stumble into the arms of a stranger._

 _But he wasn't prepared for what happened next._

 _It all happened so fast._

 _"Edward! Edward!" he heard his mothers yell out in agony as she jumped and wrapped her arms around Edward protectively. That was last thing he ever heard._

 _The next little while was a confusing blur. He remembered drifting in and out of consciousness until he was finally able to open his eyes slightly to take in his surroundings. He was lying in the street. His body hurt and he couldn't move even an inch. His eyes wandered, trying to figure out what was happening. He saw people standing over him, and a boy kneeling down beside him crying. It was Alphonse. Edward wanted to reach out and tell him it was all okay, but then he looked past his brother and saw . . . her. His eyes went wide in horror and he cried out at the sight before him. She was almost unrecognizable, but Ed knew who the woman was._

 _His mother laid motionless a few feet from him. She was covered in blood, half of her body crumpled, crushed beyond reapir. He could feel himself calling out to her, crying and begging her to open her eyes and to tell him she was okay. She wouldn't move._

 _Edward was suddenly lifted up by two men, who lay him down on a gurney and strapped him in. He could see them talking to one another, moving their lip frantically. He could see Alphonse crying out, running beside them, following them to the ambulance, but he couldn't hear them. He couldn't hear anything that was happening around him, but at the moment it didn't matter. Nothing did. All he desperately wanted was to reach out to his mother, but he couldn't move. The straps wouldn't let him, and he was also just too weak._

 _His eyes suddenly grew too heavy for him to keep open, and he slipped into unconsciousness._

 _Ed awoke what felt like seconds later. He looked down at himself. He wasn't covered in blood anymore, and he could move. He looked just like he did that very morning. He turned looking for his mother. He could not see her, but he could see Alphonse standing over him, his face twisted up in utter disgust._

 _"It's your fault nii-san," his brother said. "Mother is dead and it's your fault."_

 _That voice. It was so cold, so full of hate, and it was towards him. Alphonse only used that tone of voice with people he didn't like. Ed never thought it would be directed at him. Edward wanted to tell him how he didn't want her to take the blow, how he had tried to shove her out the way but there just wasn't enough time._

 _Alphonse crouched down to meet Edwards eyes. "You should have died nii-san, not her."_

 _Edward cried out as Alphonse disappeared and was replaced with his mother's mangled body._

 _"Its all your fault Edward. Couldn't you have died instead?"_

Edward bolted upright and looked around his room frantically, breathing heavily he could feel the tears roll off his cheeks. He looked around his small room and saw he was alone. Relieved, he let the tears fall freely. A sob broke threw his lips as he silently thank whatever God there was that they had moved into a house with two bedrooms. Edward covered his face with his hands, crying as silently as he could.

When he finally got himself under control, Edward got out of bed and looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes were red and puffy from his crying, and he sighed. He had school in little over an hour. Hopefully by then all traces of his tears would be gone.

Padding into the bathroom, Ed washed his face over and over again trying to sooth the ache his eyes felt. They were burning from holding his tears back and he had to make them stop.

Alphonse knew this was the day of the year Edwards dreams haunted him the most; this day always opened with his night terrors. Alphonse had witnessed many of them. It scared him to no end every time he saw Edward in that state. Alphonse was always there by his side when he couldn't handle the pain, as Ed was there for Al, too. It always came down on Al shortly after comforting Ed, and Ed made sure he was always there for Alphonse when it happened. All they had was each other. They made it through this terrible anniversary together. It seemed to grow more painfully for them each year. It was a day they would never forget for all the sad and horrible reasons in the world, it was the day Edward and Alphonse Elric lost everything.

It was Edward's birthday.

Deep down Edward knew Alphonse hated today as much as he did. Alphonse would never, ever say so, but Edward knew the truth.

He knew Alphonse loved him. He knew Alphonse didn't hate him. Resenting the day they lost their whole entire world was only normal; it only made sense to Edward that Alphonse would hate this day too. Still, it never stopped Alphonse from baking Edward a small cake just for two, to celebrate the day his brother was born. It never stopped Al from wishing Edward many more birthdays to come.

* * *

Edward saw Alphonse enter his room slowly and he turned to face him.

'Happy birthday,' Alphonse signed.

Feeling the tears fall once again Edward sprinted towards his brothers arms open. Alphonse had his own tears falling freely as he smiled sadly at Ed. Before he was pulled into a tight embrace Edward could feel himself start to shake, and he clung to Alphonse for dear life. Alphonse rubbed soothing circles into his brothers back and Edward ran his fingers through the younger's hair. To anyone else this might have seemed a bit odd, but this was how they comforted each other. They knew just how to calm the other down enough to go on with their day.

They soon managed to calm down and Edward pulled away a bit and wiped a few tears from his brother's eyes. They smiled at each other and silently laughed at each other.

'I.. feel bet-better.. now..' Edward said trying to control the volume on his voice.

Alphonse smiled softly at him. 'As do I brother. It will be okay. I love you nii-san, so it's okay..'

Edward felt his bottom lip tremble as he read Al's lips. He knew all about Edward's night terrors, every little detail. Edward was lucky to have a brother like Alphonse. He thanked whatever God there was for his brother.

"I ... saw her…"

Ed started, but couldn't finish his sentence. He couldn't talk about it now, because if he did they would cry again and they couldn't afford showing up to school red faced and puffy eyed. He held it in, and sighed leaning against Al's chest, trying to find comfort again. He felt Alphonse calm his own breathing as he held Edward a bit longer before pulling back.

'We have to get ready for school now nii-san, we can talk and then eat cake,' Al signed smiling down at Ed.

Edward used all his strength to push away all his unpleasant thoughts and smiled at the thought of cake as he sat up and stretched. Alphonse always made the softest chocolate filled cake. It felt as if he was eating chocolate clouds with a river of fudge sauce. His mouth watered at the thought as he quickly looked over his metal leg, making sure not to get his pants stuck as he proceeded to pull them up around his hips. He already oiled and cleaned it for the day, but he felt he was missing something.

Ed looked around for a shirt. He turned and caught a white shirt thrown his way. He grinned at Alphonse who smirked. Ed turned away from Alphonse and frowned down at himself as he buttoned up his shirt. He'd have to find something to keep him occupied or the worst would happen. He couldn't afford to have an episode at school - God forbid he fell asleep in one class. Hell would break loose if he did, and he feared what people would think of him then. They already thought Edward hated them. Well, granted that was true, but he didn't want them to think he was a monster. Edward also didn't want to embarrass his little brother; Al had already made a handful of friends and Edward feared once they saw what his older brother was really like they'd abandon Al, just as everyone always did with Edward.

" _The worst thing about betrayal is to know it's done by the people you trusted the most_."

Ed remembered the saying he found before being abandoned by his friends. He had trusted them with his story, and had told them about his leg. But they called him a freak and monster, and had he became an outcast. No one wanted to be near him. No one gave him the time of day because he was deaf. They thought it was his fault his mother died. They had betrayed him, not even knowing the whole story. Even then he was hopeful.

Edward shook his head as he grabbed his backpack. He shoved his hands into his pockets as he and Alphonse walked down their stairs and out the front door.

Edward didn't particularly want his day filled with idiots who constantly stared at him when they thought he wasn't looking, which of course he was. He would promptly flip them off when Alphonse wasn't looking. Ed already disliked the company of others in general, but today his hatred was amplified 10 fold. He would be surrounded by people who knew nothing about him but would wish him a 'happy birthday'. He scoffed at that. It always happened no matter what. A teacher would mention to his class that it was Edward's birthday and suddenly the whole school would know! He hated the reminder. He hated people talking about his birthday as if it was something to be happy about. He hated how they all pretended to care about him. In Edward's eyes it was just another year **_he lived_ ** and his _**mother didn't**_.

Edward glared at his feet as they neared their school. His birthday was the one day of the year where he really didn't want to attend school. All he wanted was to curl into a ball on his bed with Alphonse by his side eating cake, and just sleep the day off.

But Alphonse told him since they had just started they could not miss today no matter how much they wished for it. He felt Alphonse hook his arm around Edward's own and he relaxed slightly. Today would be difficult without his brother, but for his sake Edward would try to his best abilities to hold it all in.

Edward walked down the hall and around a familiar corner making his way to the chemistry lab. He glared at the people in front of him taking their time walking to class. Today wasn't a day where Edward could take this nonsense. His nails dug into his palm as he quickly glared at their faces and walked past them swiftly to turn the corner another.

As Edward entered the class room he saw his group already seated. He couldn't help but remember what happens last class.

 _'I'm deaf and don't know what the hell you people have been saying to me,' he had signed, grinning at them. He looked around the table seeing how all but the girl were slightly confused, trying to understand. It looked like they knew sign language but were not fluent. He looked at the girl; she was a clever one. He saw her sigh and begin to speak quickly, he knew exactly what she was saying._

 _"He said he is deaf and did not catch what we were saying."_

 _Edward looked around their faces curiously and was pleased when their confused faces turned pink in embarrassed. The tall blond's handles shook slightly as he signed an apology, as did the others. It was a bit crude but Edward knew they meant well. Edward rolled his eyes and waved his hand dismissively. He turned his head and noticed Roy staring at him. Now it was Edward's turn to smirk. And he did._

 _Roy seemed a bit ticked off by this as his face turned ruby red, and he spoke slowly just for Edward. "You could have told me you were deaf, I thought you were just another grumpy midget-"_

 _before Roy could finish Edward shoved Roy successfully making him fall back. 'IM NOT SHORT YOU Bastard!' He signed aggressively, making sure Roy could see Edward from the ground._

 _He huffed and turned to see the other members of his group desperately trying to hold back laughter. He glared at them and at Roy once again as the bastard pulled himself up into his seat. Edward could feel the anger bubbling from the raven haired male beside him. He flipped Roy off without looking at him. That sent his group into fits of laughter._

Roy looked up and glared at Edward as he made his way over to their group. Roy remembered everything that brat did to him just the day before – pushing him down, flipping him off. Roy couldn't believe it; he had actually been trying to be nice to the kid. Edward silently took his seat by Roy and rummaged through his bag, pulling out a notebook and pen. Edward tucked in his seat to patiently wait for Mr. Harris to arrive and begin the lesson.

Roy continued to glare at Edward but stopped and turned his gaze downward when something caught his attention. His eyes filled with curiosity at what he saw. In Edward's open and forgotten book bag was a battered up book. Curiously, Roy picked it up and examined it carefully. It was old and a bit beat up but he could tell Edward treated this like gold.

He was about to open it when Edward turned around, noticing Roy and the book with misery filled eyes. He bolted up from his seat trying to snatch the book from Roy's hand, eager to retrieve it. Roy smirked and held the book up high so Edward could not reach it. He almost laughed out loud at the face Edward made. Roy held onto it tightly, but Edward bounce up, successfully catching one end of the book. Ed pulled back with all his strength, but Roy held on just as tightly, pulling the book back his way.

Edward glared at Roy struggling to get his book back. The bastard had no right to take his things, especially that book! They were not friends! How dare he play games with Edward? How dare he risk ruining Ed's book just for a laugh!

Edward was quickly losing his patients. He could feel his voice trying to break free. He was so close to yelling and attacking, and he knew he wouldn't be able to control himself if he did. If anything happened to the book, Edward would break, he knew it.

Edward tugged at the book, looking at Roy almost pleading for him to let go, but he didn't. All the taller boy did was smirk at how pitiful Edward looked. Edward looked around the class room for help, but all he saw were eyes filled with amusement and, Edward assumed, laughter. They were laughing at him. The other members of his lab group also found this amusing, except the for the girl, but she made no move to helping Edward out either.

Ed's face turned red and he could feel his tears threatening to fall as he looked back at the boy before him. Roy suddenly pulled the book roughly, and this time it ripped in two. Loose pages flew in every direction. Roy looked between it and Ed sheepishly.

Edward froze and felt his heart clench painfully as he fell to his knees desperately scrambling to pick up the loose papers, hoping he could fix it but knowing it was hopeless. The pages were lying all around them. The book was old and worn out, and many pages had already been ready to fall out, but would have been better for the sheets to come loose than to have the book ripped in two and beyond repair.

Edward looked down at his precious book, destroyed in his hands. His golden eyes were filled with pain and contempt. He let the pages slip out of his fingers as he stood up slowly, feeling all his self restraint fly out the window.

"I hate all of you assholes'!" he screamed at the top of his lungs not caring that a few, even Roy, winched at his volume.

He felt his hand tremble slightly as he starred down at his feet, he was trying hard not to break down. But he couldn't hold it in for long.

Roy looked down at Edward, about to snap at him for being unreasonable; it was just an old book, right? What value could that worn out trash have? But he felt his heart clench painfully in his chest as he looked at the small boy standing before him, face red from yelling. His eyes were filled with hatred and such sadness. Edward was crying and it was all Roy's fault.

Guilt rushed over him. Roy was just about to apologize when Edward suddenly balled up his fists and shoved past him, fleeing the classroom just as Mr. Harris entered the room.

Edward blindly ran past his teacher and several others as he fled the building. He tried willing the tears back as he ran but he just couldn't.

That bastard had taken the very last thing his mother gave to him and tore it apart for fun!

This was exactly why he hated people, why he only wanted to be left alone. They were all a bunch of assholes who found humor in another person's pain. In moments like these Edward no longer hated the person he had become, moments where he was faced with man's cruelty. He saw the truth of the world and he didn't like it one bit.

On any other day Edward would have mercilessly beat the living hell out of that bastard Roy, but today he couldn't. He just didn't have the strength to fight after his night terrors. As much as it shamed him, he couldn't help crying, couldn't help but feel this way. His birthday was the one day of the year when Edward was at his most vulnerable.

He cried over the loss of his leg; he cried over not protecting his brother properly; but mostly he cried over the loss of his mother. His mother who sacrificed her life for him to live.

She'd held him one last time until the truck separated them on impact, tearing her body into an unrecognizable state and killing her instantly. Edward had lost only his leg and his hearing because his mother had managed to shield him from the worst of the collision. He was glad she did not suffer, but that didn't lessen the wrenching guilt he felt in his heart single everyday of the year.

He would never forget how she'd looked after the accident. It would forever be engraved into his mind. It haunted him in his deepest nightmares. Sometimes Edward swore he saw her mangled form standing beside him when he woke up. Sometimes he could hear her calling out to him.

He knew it was his mind playing tricks on him, but knowing that didn't make it any less horrific.

And now he had lost something else.

He prayed that the book his mother had given him was still perfectly fine in his bag. He hopped this was all just a part of his night terror, that loosing it was just his head fucking around with him again.

But it wasn't. It wasn't just his head playing games. It was _reality_. The book was gone.

A sob broke through his lips as he slammed the door to his house shut and ran up the stairs into his room. He threw himself down atop his bed and cried into his pillow, willing himself to sleep and forget the pain he felt deep in his heart. All he wanted was to disappear from this cruel world and its people, he just wanted peace. He just wanted his mother back.

* * *

 **so how was it?**

 **I'll upload chapter 3 soon!**

 **Share your thought with me?**


	3. Chapter 3

Alphonse waited patiently for Edward at lunch. He was already a bit late, but that was normal. Al sighed, tapping his fingers against his chin as he gazed around the lunch room once more. All he saw were unrecognizable faces; none of them were his brother. He looked down at his wrist watch and raised an eye brow in confusion. Edward was 10 minutes late for lunch. That was not normal even for today.

Al stood, ready to leave to find his brother, hoping he was okay. Alphonse hurried toward the exit passing by a group of kids chatting, but stopped abruptly when he heard a bit of their conversation. He turned back and leaned against the wall by the group, listening to what they were saying.

A boy with curly red hair spoke up, just loud enough for Alphonse to hear. "-yeah I know, that Edward kid just snapped and yelled at everyone!"

Curly top started laughing and playfully shoved a girl beside him, obviously trying to get her opinion. Alphonse kept calm. He couldn't lose his temper before he found out exactly what had happened to his brother. He casually sat by the girl and pretended to search through his backpack, relieved that they didn't seem to notice his presence. Good.

He held his head straight ahead but glanced at the girl beside him, waiting for her to say something, hoping it would be helpful. Unlike Edward who would kick ass first and ask questions later, Alphonse was more inclined to figure out the situation fully before taking action. Ed's way was absolutely barbaric, as Al had told Ed countless times. If Edward read anyone's lips and thought, sometimes mistakenly, that they were bad mouthing him, it was on.

Alphonse smiled slightly, but it quickly faded when the girl said, "It was funny, but Roy should have left him alone. The poor kid ran out crying!" She looked displeased at curly top's amusement.

She huffed and turned Al's way, surprised to notice him there. "Hey when did you get here?" she asked curiously.

Alphonse ignored her question and used all the strength he could muster to smile. "Why don't you tell me more about that kid that was crying?" he asked softly, hoping she'd comply. He wanted more information before he went to look for this ' _Roy_ ' and have a few words with him.

The girl glanced at her curly top friend who in turned shrugged. She looked back at Alphonse and sighed.

"Not much to tell," she muttered to herself, then turned to curly top. "You tell him. I don't even want to talk about it. It makes me feel horrible."

She stood to give the two boys on either side of her room. Now Alphonse and curly top sat face to face, one with a grin the other with forced smile.

"Yeah well, the new kid flipped when Roy grabbed this old worn out book out of his bag." He started laughing and Alphonse felt his fists clench, he couldn't mean- curly top continued, cutting Al's thought off "He was going nuts, and Roy was holding the book out of reach, just teasing him, you know? Then the new kid got hold of one end of the book and pulled, but Roy didn't let go. The book tore right in half - pages were scattered everywhere! It was so old I'm surprised it didn't fall apart when Roy picked it up." He snorted as he leaned closer to Alphonse. "The kid ran out crying, can you believe that? What a fucking-"

Before he could even finish his sentence Alphonse grabbed the boy by the collar, pulled him close, and stood, lifting the boy to his feet as well.

Al glared down at the boy and spoke quietly. "Who is this _Roy_? Point to him now."

The boy shivered and lifted up his trembling arm to point at a tall raven haired boy standing across the lunch room chatting with a blonde.

"Thank you." Alphonse said cheerfully. He released curly top, satisfied with the terrified look on his face. "Oh, and if I ever hear you talking down on my brother again, you'll regret it." He spoke just low enough for curly top to understand.

Alphonse turned to leave once the boy nodded frantically. Al looked over at the frightened girl and smiled. "Don't worry. Stay here with your friend."

With that Alphonse stalked across the lunch room. He wasn't going to do much damage, maybe just a few words and he'd be on his way to Edward. He couldn't let this ' _Roy_ ' off the hook, but he did kind of pity him. Poor guy was about to meet the worst enemy he could possibly make.

Alphonse cracked his knuckles as he got closer and closer to Roy, noting how a few kids scrambled out of his way scared out of their wits.

Most were staring at him nervously, wondering why he looked so peeved. Those that had met him thought him a gentle soul, and they looked absolutely terrified at this side of him. As well they should be. Just because he was a good hearted person it did not mean he would let anyone walk all over him or his brother Edward. Especially his brother Edward.

It had been the same way at their old school. Anyone who messed with Edward had hell to pay. After a few talks no one bothered his brother again, and Alphonse found it amusing that Edward had no clue why.

Alphonse was well aware of the things his brother would do for him. He knew his brother purposely tried to hide the fact that he was deaf because he thought Alphonse would feel embarrassed. Edward could be very stupid at times. He held in all his pent up anger and sadness for a whole year, only letting it out on his birthday. Al wished it didn't have to be like that. He wanted his brother to be happy he was alive, not resent it. He wished Edward could just open up to others and see not everyone was the same, that life was all about taking chances. But that was something Alphonse had never been able to get Edward to do.

* * *

"I get it. I was an ass. I didn't really want him to cry!" Roy said.

Riza nodded in agreement motioning for him to continue, then frowned when he did.

"But come on!" He threw his hands in the air, frustrated. "He didn't have to over react like that. It was just a book you can buy at any book store," he protested.

Roy stopped, seeing the look in Riza's eyes. Damn the women for scaring the hell out of him. This time he wasn't going to give in, though. Roy knew he was right. He folded his arms over his chest and glared down at her. He stood his ground, watching her look up at him, expression unreadable.

Then she spoke. "If it was just any old book, do you really think he would have reacted that way? Maybe that book held more sentimental significance than you think." She paused for a moment narrowing her eyes at him. "Think about how you would feel if Edward somehow got his hands on your father's pocket watch."

Roy stiffened at that. His eyes dropped as a bitter laugh left his throat. Riza's voice had cut through the noise of the crowded lunch room, making it seem as if she were yelling. Because she was right. He shouldn't be trying to justify what he did. He had thought Edward was overreacting, just acting out to make a scene. But now that he thought about it, the look in Edward's eyes before he ran out held so much raw pain. Watered eyes filled with despair, hate, sadness, and even regret. Roy didn't like that look. He was going to figure out how to fix this. Roy didn't want to be on bad terms with Edward. Even though kid was infuriating Roy still found that the boy that pulled at him, drew him. He couldn't describe it, but Roy knew there was something special about him.

* * *

Alphonse stopped just short of Roy, sizing him up. They were about the same height, Roy perhaps an inch or three taller and a bit heavier. Al felt his lips twitch when he heard him laugh at something the blonde female said. Bastard. Al didn't really notice how bitter the laugh was. He mistook it for amusement.

"Excuse me, Roy?" Alphonse spoke softly and tapped Roy's shoulder.

As the taller boy turned around, Alphonse' fist connected with his jaw sending him stumbling back and tripping over someone's foot. Alphonse cracked his knuckles and glared down at Roy. Then he reached down and grabbed the stunned boy by his collar. Pulling him up slightly, he stared into his confused and shocked black eyes.

"Mess with my brother again and next time I won't go so easy on you," Alphonse growled.

He shoved Roy back and stood, shaking himself off. Al looked around the room and saw how he had everyone's attention. Perfect.

"That goes for everyone in here."

With that Al left the room, in a hurry to get home to his brother. Hopefully Edward was asleep. Then Al would be able to wake him up with a slice of birthday cake.

Alphonse sighed as he ran out if the school and down the block towards his house. He probably should've had a longer conversation with Roy, but he wanted to get home to his brother. Oh well. He was sure the message was heard loud and clear.

* * *

Roy stood slowly. Ignoring the pain in his jaw, he grabbed his bag and left the lunch room quickly, ignoring the stares and whisperes. He walked down the hall, turned the corner quickly and leaned against the wall letting out a heavy sigh.

' _Just great' he thought to himself_ , ' _now his brother sees me as an enemy_.'

Roy touched his jaw and winched slightly. Edward's brother could definitely pack a punch. There was sure to be a bruise by tomorrow morning. He was just about to groan when he saw someone standing before him. He looked up and of course it was Riza.

"I suspected that something like this would happen." That was Riza's way of saying 'I told you so'.

Roy glared at her but didn't keep it up for more than a second. He sighed as his shoulders slumped.

"It was harmless fun," he said. "I didn't think about it very clearly I guess." He stood slowly dusting himself off. "I was angry at him, he embarrassed the hell out me, so how is it I feel like shit?"

Roy asked Riza this question, but he already knew the answer. Of course he knew.

"Because it was wrong," she told him, "and quite cruel, and I'm at fault too. He looked for help but I made no move to do so. No one did." She frowned. "But what's done is done, we can't change that. If he didn't already hate us before, for sure he does now."

Roy winced remembering how loud Edward had shouted at the class, how his eyes were full of hate and sorrow. He looked down at his feet frowning.

"Yeah, but I still want to try to fix this. Maybe we could buy a copy of the book?" Roy said thoughtfully, but immediately shook his head. "No, a copy won't do if he feels the same way about the book as I do about my father's watch."

Roy pulled at his hair in frustration. He felt a tug at his sleeve. He looked down at Riza's hand, then gave his friend a questioning glance.

Then she voiced her thoughts.

* * *

Alphonse opened the door to Edward's room as slowly as possible, and sighed in relief at the sight before him. Edward lay huddled in his blankets looking peaceful, though Al could see the tear tracks on his cheeks. He frowned and closed the door, heading to the kitchen. Taking out the materials needed for his cake, Alphonse headed over to the pile of mail on the counter top.

As he mixed the ingredients he looked over the mail slowly, reading each envelop carefully.

He finally placed the cake in the oven and picked up the last envelope to read the back. As he read the return address he frowned sadly and tossed it back onto the counter top. Alphonse was sure this time it was more than a check; it was heavier than the envelopes they usually received from this sender. Alphonse was grateful for the checks of course; it was the reason they could afford a house, food, and utility bills, with a bit left over for a few luxuries now and then. If it wasn't for these monthly checks, Edward and Alphonse would have been separated into foster care long ago, and that was something Al never wanted to experience. He and Edward had always been together, they were a team. Alphonse was the social one; Edward was the introvert. Alphonse feared if they were separated Edward would hold in his pain and suffer all alone, until he eventually broke. Al knew this for sure.

Alphonse was scared. He knew that he and his brother couldn't be together forever. One day they would have to part ways to move on with their individual lives. It was only natural. But would Edward actually move forward and live? Would Edward finally forget what people had done to him? Alphonse was terrified his brother would never let his walls down for anyone else, ever again. He just wanted Edward to be happy.

If only Alphonse could have prevented all the terrible events that led Edward to become who he was now. If only he could have protected Ed like Ed had protected for him.

In the beginning, even after people had started to treat his brother cruelly for reasons that made no sense whatsoever, Edward had faith in human nature. He believed that not everyone was the same, that not everyone would treat him horribly. He desperately wanted to believe in someone; he wanted someone to see him for who he was, not the boy with automail, not the boy who couldn't hear anymore. He just wanted to be seen as Edward Elric, nothing more, nothing less. It was not a lot to ask for. It was a simple request that not many understood.

So he held in all the pain. He ignored the name calling and the bullying, all in hopes that someone would understand. Someone other than his brother. Someone who could be his friend and care about him.

Edward had wanted to trust others, and he did; for a while he had trusted that there was still some good in the world. He had smiled through the pain of his loss. He had continued to smile when no one could be bothered to spare him an extra minute to speak slowly so he could 'hear' them. He had smiled when they didn't want to 'waste' their time on him. Through it all, Edward brother held in the hurt.

Alphonse had always been the more tolerant of the Elric boys, but that soon changed. Never had he held so much resentment towards others, but now it was easy to hate them. It was easy to 'talk sense' to the ones who tormented his brother. The hard part was seeing how much they hurt Edward. And for a long time Edward simply forgave them, smiling through the hurt and saying, " _They just don't understand, and that's fine_."

But eventually those words faded away.

Alphonse sighed as he buried his face into his palms, remembering the last day his brother had ever put his faith into someone.

The day Edward lost his faith and gain hatred.

* * *

 _"Nii-San! What happened to you!" Alphonse had yelled as he ran to his brother's bloody and limping form, momentarily forgetting Edward could not hear him._

 _"I've … had enough Al."_

 _Edward's voice was so very low and full of pain. Whatever had happened had made his brother snap._

 _"Nii-san.. What happened?" Alphonse signed as he gently sat the older down on their sofa._

 _Edward shook his head and Al huffed, hurrying into the kitchen for their first aid kit. His brother's injuries weren't serious, but he definitely would not allow any cuts to become infected. When Alphonse returned to the room Ed was shirtless, and Alphonse tried hard not to cry. His brother's chest was full of cuts and bruises. Alphonse kneeled in front of Edward and softly held the older's chin, making him look Al in the eye._

 _"Please... tell me what happened." Al spoke slowly, enough for Edward to understand._

Edward wouldn't answer him. He had turned his head and refused look his brother in the eye. He would not say what had happened.

But whatever it was, it had changed Edward for the worse.

Alphonse head snapped up at the sound of a telephone ringing. Already knowing who it was, he quickly made his way towards the kitchen, turned the oven off, and carefully placed the cake on the counter top. He rushed over to the telephone and picked it up

* * *

"Hello?" he said a bit nervously.

"Alphonse. Why did I receive a call saying you and Edward left school early, without permission? And why haven't you or Edward returned my calls!" the booming voice demanded.

Alphonse felt himself tremble in fear as he timidly spoke. "We just moved you know…" He paused, then continued. "So we, um… have been a bit busy with unpacking… and catching up with school work…"

Al trailed off as the other voice stayed quiet, taking what Alphonse had just said in.

"Very well, I'll let it slide, just this once!" the voice snapped into the receiver. Then it softened and spoke gently. "I know today is hard on you both, but as you know, I have to make sure you and your brother stay on the right track. I'll be there next week. And it won't just be work related. I'm coming for personal reasons as well."

Al smiled and sighed out of relief. Honestly, he thought he would receive more of a scolding from the woman.

"Thank you," he said. "The check came today, and I suspect a birthday card as well. He had a bad day today, which is really why we left, but let's not talk about it right now," Al added quickly, well aware of the temper the woman on the line had. "I'll tell you about it next week, I promise. Right now I just want to eat cake with Edward."

Alphonse heard her sigh heavily. "Okay. As someone who loves you and Edward dearly, I'll let it go for now. But as your social worker, I had better get an honest explanation for why you two left school early. Take care Alphonse, and watch your brother."

With that the woman hung up.

"Thank you Izumi." Alphonse said softly to himself as he walked back to his cake.

-  
Edward woke up with a yawn and stretched across his bed trying to wake up. He sat up confused and looked at his feet blankly, one flesh one metal. Why was he home? He stared at them for what seemed like forever when suddenly everything came back to him. He clenched his fists as he stood and headed over to his bathroom sink.

That b*** tore his book apart! The book his mother gave him! Edward washed his face roughly willing himself not to cry. He hated being weak!

As he made his way out of the bathroom he sniffed the air, and his mouth watered. Alphonse was home! And he had baked a chocolate cake while Edward slept.

'Wait,' Edward thought to himself as he looked down at his wrist watch. It was too early for school to have ended, which meant that Al knew what had happened. For a moment Ed panicked, but then he sighed deeply. There was no use hiding it he supposed; Al would have found out sooner or later. 'Later would have been better,' he thought, but shook that thought away. It was actually better now. Now Ed wouldn't be alone with his thoughts.

He walked downstairs quietly, trying not to alert his brother that he was awake. Edward loved those rare moments where he could sneak up on his brother. He grinned to himself as he made his way to the kitchen but stopped as when he saw Alphonse hang up the phone.

Edward stood there for a moment examining his baby brother through narrowed eyes. He had a pretty good idea who had called. He shivered nervously at that. If she knew what had happened, Edward wouldn't have to worry about Roy anymore. He almost laughed out loud at the thought, then but Alphonse turned and saw him standing there. Al smiled at his brother and slowly made his way towards him.

'I'm sorry you had to come home, but I'm glad you're here,' Edward signed.

At that Alphonse smiled and shook his head dismissively. He walked towards Edward and hugged him tightly. Ed pulled back, smiled slightly and sighed rubbing his eyes.

Alphonse smiled sadly, knowing. "It's okay nii-san, don't worry. It wasn't your fault; it was his."

Edward read his lips and looked the other way. He knew it wasn't his fault, but deep down he felt guilty and torn. He didn't want to cry anymore. He had cried enough today, so he shook his head and ran a finger across the frosting on his cake. Licking it off his finger, he hummed in approval.

Edward smiled at Alphonse and hopped up onto the counter top. Cutting a slice of cake he happily started eating, motioning for Alphonse to join him and he did. They sat next to each other and ate their cake silently and contently.

'If there is a God, then maybe he has taken mercy on me.' Edward thought to himself as he leaned against his bother.

He looked up at Alphonse only to see him frowning. Tilting his head to the side confused, he read his brothers lips.

"Father sent another check. And a birthday card, nii-san."


	4. Authors note

**So sorry I haven't updated in forever, but it seems I've lost inspiration at the moment.**

 **I'm not abandoning this story! But at the moment I'm putting it on hold.**

 **I'm very sorry for this, but please do not lose hope. Hopefully soon I will return to the story**

 **But for now, I'm sticking to one shots.**


	5. Chapter 4

**Im back!**

 **This chapter may be a little eh but hope you all enjoy**

 **Tell me what you think!**

* * *

To say Edward threw a fit was an understatement.

As soon as Alphonse told his dear brother their father had sent a birthday card, Edward promptly snatched the enveloped from Al's hand, opened it, and tore the card in half.

When Edward looked up and saw Alphonse's disapproving look, he huffed and signed, 'I don't care about the card and don't look at me like that!'

Edward jumped off the kitchen counter grumpily. He pulled the cap off of his medication and swallowed one pill before making his way into the living room with Alphonse following closely behind. Ed stopped only when Al grabbed his arm, pulling him to a stop.

Alphonse turned Edward around so they faced each other and said, "It wouldn't hurt to give him a chance, but fine nii-san, don't listen to me as usual."

Al glared down at his brother as his released his arm slowly.

Edward stared at him blankly before responding, 'Yeah, I don't listen to you. Probably cause I can't hear!' He shoved Al back lightly and continued. 'Why should I give him a chance? He left and never came back, not even when… When mom died!' Edward took a deep breath trying to control his anger and before Alphonse could reply he held a hand up tiredly. 'He's dead to me Al, so drop it please?'

Alphonse rubbed his temple and sighed as he pulled Edward into another hug. He knew he couldn't exactly change the way his brother thought of their father, but to hold so much hate was not good for him. It only fuelled more hate for the future. Alphonse sighed again as he felt Edward slump against him.

' _Honestly sometimes_ ,' he thought with a smile as he carefully picked Edward up.

Edward had started using sleep medication years ago due to the night terrors. Ed never wanted to sleep because every time he did he would see his mother's mangled form. He would stay up for all hours of the night to avoid the horrible images of his mother. Once he had lasted a whole week without sleep before he'd snapped. Alphonse sighed at the memory.

* * *

It was on a hot summer night when 13 year old Edward dropped his coffee mug causing it to shatter across the tiled floor of his and Alphonse' shared apartment. As the cup shattered he let out a strangled cry and gripped his golden locks tightly as he dropped to his knees hitting shards of broken glass. As soon as Alphonse heard his brothers cry he leapt from bed and ran to his brother's side quickly, gasping at what he found.

Edward was on his knees pulling his hair, not even feeling the glass dig into his knees as he began to bleed. "Make it stop," he said brokenly.

Alphonse took a step closer holding his arm out ready to place it on Edwards shoulder but jumped at Edwards next words.

"Please! I can't take it anymore! I don't want to see her like this anymore! I'm seeing things Al! Please just make it stop!"

Edward's yell caused the neighbors to bang against the kitchen wall demanding them to cease the noise. Alphonse' shaking hand gripped Edward shoulder and he gasped as he turned to face him. Edward's eyes were wide with fear. They moved back and forth quickly, and under his eyes were purple bags. They were deep, which meant his brother had not been sleeping properly.

Alphonse dropped to his knees as well, ignoring the pain of the glass digging into his skin as he pulled his older brother into a hug. He held him, close trying to calm him down. Edward's breathing began to even out as he held Alphonse just as tightly. They stayed this way for quite a while.

Al finally pulled back slowly but kept one arm around the small of Edwards back while the other hand tilted Ed's chin up to looked up at him.

"We'll fix this nii-san. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. We'll get something for your nightmares, I promise," he whispered.

Al held Edward closer as the boy cried, "I just can't take seeing her like that anymore. Every time I close my eyes I see her staring at me Al. I just want it to stop."

* * *

That day Alphonse made sure to call their doctor and set up an appointment. Needless to say Edward received his sleeping medication that very day. He never slept so peaceful until his medication. But due to Edwards's size the medicine took effect quickly, meaning Edward HAD to take his meds only when he was at home, safely in bed.

Alphonse assumed since he was so preoccupied with the thought of their father, Ed didn't realize he'd drank his meds before settling in bed.

In other words, Alphonse had to carry Edward to bed.

With a small grunt Alphonse lifted his brother. Al almost cried when he remembered the bed rooms were upstairs. A boy Edward's size shouldn't usually be more than 130lb, but his auto mail leg it added a good 30 more pounds or so, making Edward 160. If Alphonse did not truly love his brother he would have left him on the couch, but no. He just couldn't do that to Edward. He knew if their roles were reversed, Ed would carry him without a complaint.

Alphonse took it easy. One foot in front of the other, and one hand holding onto the railing for dear life. It took 10 full mintues before Alphonse finally made it up the steps and into Edwards room. Setting him down with a content sigh, he rubbed his arms as he left Edwards room and went back into the kitchen. Al kneeled slowly and picked up the torn birthday card, frowning as he carefully placed the card back into its envelope. He wondered if maybe one day Edward could forgive their father, as Al had. Only time could tell for sure. Edward was very stubborn and would never give in unless he knew for certain he was wrong.

And in this case, he wasn't wrong.

It was only natural to hate their so called father for leaving them at the tender age of 9 and 10. He had walked out the door never to show his face again, and the boys didn't know why. He hadn't even returned to look after his boys when their mother tragically died. No, all they received were monthly checks, a social worker, and a good amount of insurance money.

The brothers had lost two parents in just one short year. Nonetheless, their father still sent monthly checks for them, enough to cover their every need. With a sigh Alphonse made his way into his bedroom and laid back slowly, staring at the ceiling.

* * *

The next time Edward saw Roy was at a supermarket and Ed wasn't amused. He noticed how he seems to run into the raven haired boy at every turn, and he quickly glanced at Ed each time they passed one another. Each time Edward fliped him off, but finally Ed's had enough. The ass was obviously following him, and just because he promised Alphonse he wouldn't start a fight didn't mean he can't at least scare him off.

Or at least try.

The next time he sees the taller boy he drags him into an empty aisle, Roy following willingly, where Edward shoves him away as if he had been burned.

'You bastard, stop staring at me! It fucking ceeps me out!' Ed signed quickly.

Edward's fists balled up as he stared up into the bastards eyes, but then he saw it: the bags under Roy's once unmarked skin, the stress lines showing greatly on someone so young. Then Roy's lips began to tremble.

Edward stepped back almost disgusted. By what right did Roy feel he was the one who could burst into tears? The way Edward saw it, he should burst into nothingness so Ed would he never have to see his sorry face again. But as he looked at the older boy with glare in place, Ed couldn't help but feel a bit uneasy. They way he looked at Edward was unnerving, and Ed felt that perhaps he should back off and just leave.

 _'Nope. Not today_ ,' he decided with a glare.

'Well? What the hell do you want? I don't have all f*** day,' he signed, his foot tapping impatiently. Ed felt his temper rising and tried to fight the nagging urge to throw every can in his cart.

"I.. I wanted to apologize. I'm.."

Edward can't hear it but after years of watching facial expressions, he knew the boys voice was cracking, as he runs his fingers through his hair nervously. Edward gave him a look, urging Roy to go on, but instead of talking Roy took something out of his bag.

It's Edward's book.

His breath hitched as he stared at the book, in perfect condition, even better than before Roy destroyed it. It was no longer torn in two or missing pages. It looked perfect, and Edward couldn't help but reach out to it as if in a trance. Then he dropped his hand suddenly and narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Roy. There had to be a catch. He was about to threaten Roy away when the other boy pulled out a watch. Ed stared up at Roy confused, and saw he was talking.

"This was my father's watch. It was given to me before he and my mother…died."

Roy took a deep breath and pressed the book against Edwards chest.

Slowly Ed took the book into his hands, smiling slightly at it.

"If something were to happen to this watch, I.. Im not sure what I'd do. So I'm sorry, Ed, I truly am. I won't ever bother you again." Roy paused and held out his hand awkwardly.

 _'Really now_?' Edward thought, tensed. Any other day Edward would have happily spat and flip the boy off but, seeing as his mothers book was.. brought back to him in perfect condition, he relaxed and held his hand out also and firmly shook Roy's.

"I'd like to start over, if that's possible?" Roy said.

Edward replied with a stiff nod and stepped back, wiping his hand. There was no point to holding a grudge. He was just too tired. 'Since its almost Christmas and you brought my book back to life, I won't kick your ass. So yeah, we can start over.' He paused and then glared at Roy. 'Fuck with me again and that pathetic scene you saw the other day won't happen. I'll fucking kick your ass next time,' he threatened.

Then Ed stepped back with a huff, feeling lighter than ever. He grinned at Roy's uneasy look, but as he was about to turn away, Roy grabbed his arm stopping him.

"Wait! Uh.. Risa also helped with the book so.. just.. yeah."

Edward shook him off and nodded walking away from him to pay for his groceries. He still had to see the bastard omorrow, and no matter what he'd just done, Edward still didn't trust him. How could he?

* * *

' _Everytime_ ,' Edward thought as he walked home.

It was always this time of the year were he noticed more and more couples. He didn't understand how these people could just fall in love so easily. How could they trust their partner with their heart so much? That could never happen to Ed. Yet each year that passed Edward felt more hollow. But how could it be any different, when he was so carefully guarded? How, when he always stepped away from the things that could tear him apart?

He knew the answer, of course he did, but he never imagined being alone could be this painful. He spent countless years building a wall around his heart and he was proud of it, but at times like these he knew his brother was right. He couldn't live like this forever. Still, it was too late to learn to trust again. Outside his wall was a whole world he couldn't dare explore, too afraid of the people, too afraid of the pain they could inflict that would follow him wherever he went. That little episode with Roy destroying his book proved Edward right.

But it also proved him wrong. Ed hadn't expected Roy to apologize, let alone fix his book. He'd thought the bastard was like everyone else; cold, uncaring, and cruel.

Maybe he was wrong.


End file.
